Homemaking

(An essay, of sorts, relaying my thoughts on homemaking, womanhood, feminism, and me.)   

Perhaps there was a time when women were content as homemaker, wife and mother. Perhaps not. Are men content as breadwinner, husband and father? Does living in a patriarchal society demand that women be dissatisfied and men be satisfied, whether that's the case or not?

As I try to understand the varying opinions about the worthiness of the roles of homemaker, wife and mother, compared to breadwinner, husband and father, I find myself confused. As I try to comprehend the strange nuances of these roles, shown in the light of one sex or the other, I find myself baffled. 

My History

I was born during the mid-seventies into a middle-class American home. I was a girl. I don't recall ever having a problem with being a girl or the idea of growing into a woman. Both boys and girls went to school. I knew I would go to college. As a young girl, I wore dresses some days and shorts or pants other days. I played with dolls and climbed trees. I took piano lessons and played soccer. I vacuumed and dusted inside and raked leaves and swept the driveway outside. Both my parents did all household chores. Both my parents voted in elections. My dad was the breadwinner and was always employed. My mom was a homemaker until I was a teenager, when she went to work. Though, many of my friends' moms had always worked. Our moms' jobs were as safe as those of our dads. I was told I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up. I was exposed to women in a variety of professions. I had a female pediatrician. My childhood pets' veterinarians were often female. Sally Ride became the first American woman in space, when I was nearly eight. There were no limits to what I could accomplish. 

I knew I was a girl. I knew I would go to college. I assumed I would get married. I assumed I would have children. I thought I would be a homemaker. I thought I would have a career of my choosing. But, I never understood what any of that meant. 

I'm the beneficiary of modern Western history's women's rights movements. This is important. I'm thankful beyond measure for the choices and opportunities and safeguards I inherited as an American woman. I will always use my voice and my vote to protect those hard-won rights, liberties and protections. 

But, what does it all mean? Who am I as a woman? Who am I as a person? Who am I as a citizen? 

Sex and/or Class

According to contemporary authors of the time, the concept of worthiness of occupation and of sex were topics of important consideration in nineteenth-century America. Was homemaking important? Was it dignified or demeaning? Was it a woman's lot? Was it less important than a man's?

The excerpt below is from "The American woman's home, or, Principles of domestic science: being a guide to the formation and maintenance of economical, healthful, beautiful, and Christian homes," which was written by Catherine E. Beecher and Harriet Beecher Stowe and published in 1869.

The authors of this volume, while they sympathize with every honest effort to relieve the disabilities and sufferings of their sex, are confident that the chief cause of these evils is the fact that the honor and duties of the family state are not duly appreciated, that women are -not trained for these duties as men are trained for their trades and professions, and that, as the consequence, family labor is poorly done, poorly paid, and regarded as menial and dis-graceful.

To be the nurse of young children, a cook, or a house-maid, is regarded as the lowest and last resort of poverty, and one which no woman of culture and position can assume without loss of caste and respectability.

It is the aim of this volume to elevate both the honor and the remuneration of all the employments that sustain the many difficult and sacred duties of the family state, and thus to render each department of woman's true profession as much desired and respected as are the most honored professions of men.

When the other sex are to be instructed in law, medicine, or divinity, they are favored with numerous institutions richly endowed, with teachers of the highest talents and acquirements, with extensive libraries, and abundant and costly apparatus. With such advantages they devote nearly ten of the best years of life to preparing themselves for their profession; and to secure the public from unqualified members of these professions, none can enter them until examined by a competent body, who certify to their due preparation for their duties.

Woman's profession embraces the care and nursing of the body in the critical periods of infancy and sickness, the training of the human mind in the most impressible period of childhood, the instruction and control of servants, and most of the government and economies of the family state. These duties of woman are as sacred and important as any ordained to man; and yet no such advantages for preparation have been accorded to her, nor is there any qualified body to certify the public that a woman is duly prepared to give proper instruction in her profession.

Necessity and/or Society

Perhaps there were periods of time throughout history when keeping house was willingly and eagerly undertaken because mere survival depended on it. Perhaps there was a time when practicality was the only consideration relating to the division of labor between the sexes. A man could not birth a baby, nor could he feed it. Would it be practical for a pregnant woman to plow fields, hunt game, sail boats, build homes, forge metal, etc.? Could she do it? Yes. But, why would she? Her husband is not pregnant, nor is he feeding babies.

Instead, women cared for children; nursed the sick; entertained guests; pinched pennies and stretched dollars; tended gardens and canned vegetables; built fires, carried fuel, and emptied ashes; planned meals, purchased groceries, prepared and preserved food, baked bread; gathered water, washed dishes, washed and rinsed laundry and hung it to dry; made, mended, folded and ironed clothes; swept or scrubbed floors and beat rugs or vacuumed carpets; dusted and polished furniture; made up beds, washed windows, and disposed of garbage. Hmm...   

What did household chores really look like before the modern conveniences of the 1950s? Click Here.

Though time passes, the work essentially remains the same within the home. The house still must be cleaned. Of course, electricity and running water certainly make that easier. And, the people within the household still must be fed. Throughout the centuries, it's only attitudes and expectations about homemaking that were ever altered. When she made up her collective mind, the female race decided it was time for change.

From the mid-nineteenth century and well into the twentieth century, women demanded to be seen, have their work appreciated, have value assigned to their work, be granted education and employment opportunities, engage in all manner of jobs in every industry, and be treated fairly. And or but, while husbands and boyfriends did begin to help with housework and child rearing, women continue(d) to be the primary homemakers.

Satisfaction and/or Dissatisfaction

Were women never satisfied being homemakers, wives and mothers? Did they never enjoy the work or enjoy the fruits of their labor? Did women never feel fulfilled? Neither my mother nor my mother's mother, that I recall, lamented their roles as homemakers, wives and mothers. Though, both were exposed to work outside the home at young ages. (I tell a lie. My grandmother, rightfully so, was none to pleased with either of her two husbands.)

Somehow still, I was aware. My generation of girls was aware of the notion of the unhappy, mid-century housewife. She was trapped in her suburban paradise surrounded by her shiny appliances. She was to be pitied. My generation of girls was raised and pushed to want more by society, if not our own mothers. Trails were being blazed and glass ceilings were being shattered all around us. Promising opportunities lay at our feet for the taking.

My Confusion

Did I fulfill my potential as a woman by earning a bachelor's degree, embarking on a career and buying a house of my own, on my own? Did I achieve success as a woman by remaining independently single and choosing to be childless? Or, did I squander those hard-won opportunities, fought for by women of courage and determination, by giving up my job, unable to cope with career demands and workplace hostilities? Did I fail at womanhood by not marrying, not giving birth, not raising a family? Moreover, what am I to make of my wanting and needing a man to provide for me and shelter me from the harshness of the outside world? What am I to make of my desire to learn to create an escape from the world for my husband -an island of rest and rejuvenation, of love and understanding, of laughter and hope?

My Conclusion

It isn't the work that is important. It is only that the work is appreciated and valued that is imperative. Individually, this appreciation and value must, sometimes, be observed and granted to us by ourselves, if no one else. Globally, those with voices must continue to speak out for the unappreciated and undervalued of society -children, women and men. It's the person that is important.

As for homemaking? Where would we be without homemakers?

(c) 2015 Folding The Fitted Sheets
For personal use only. Not for redistribution. All rights reserved.